Asexual Elitism

Through my life as an asexual, I've had the same question quite a few times. Some people have looked into asexuality after I've given them my best explanation, and they all seem to have the same question.

Why do asexuals always seem to think they're better than everybody else?

This behavior is called Asexual Elitism. I have a few statements to make on this.

a.) People who act like this are not representing asexual people as a whole. Most of us are actually quite agreeable.

b.) It's not our, or anybody else's, place to tell people how "pure" and "good" they are. People are made up of their choices, their morals and what they believe is right. Just because somebody is ace doesn't mean they're better.

c.) Among AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network where most asexuals gather, asexual elitism is quite frowned upon and discouraged.

That was my rant for today. I know, short blog post, but I'm about to pass out.

And I'm moody.

And I'm PMSing.

*breathes*

Alright. Thanks for reading today's irritatingly short blog post,

-Jay

Asexuality: A definer, not a separator

Some people think that just because I'm asexual, it means that I'm completely, utterly different from everybody else. That I'm "strange".

Okay, I may be an odd ball, but it's not because I'm asexual.

I interviewed a few of my friends for this post. I'm not going to reveal which ones are asexual till the end of the post. You can try to guess if you'd like whether they're ace or not.

Fae
Favorite thing to do? : Spend time with friends, read
What makes you unique? : Not sure. I'm a pretty normal person. I like being myself.
What do you think of society today? : Thing about society is, it's heterogeneous. There's a lot of normalization that goes on. It's very driven by success, but there's a narrow definition of success portrayed all the time. A lot of people get frustrated while they try to obtain it.

Akira
Favorite thing to do? : Listen to music or read.
What makes you unique? : My life, my thoughts and my feelings.
What do you think of society today? : I think, as a society, the more it evolves the more it seems to devolve. The more civilized the lifestyle, the more barbaric the people become. As a whole, society has grown to reach greater heights and forgotten why they wished to attain them in the first place. I think it's become mechanical, devoid of life.

Tyki
Favorite thing to do? : Music, movies, screwing around on the computer, just absorbing things
What makes you unique? : Well, I'm me, I guess. Other things, growing up there was always a big deal made about me being adopted. And I also have a near photographic memory, and that stands out to people as well.
What do you think of society today? : Western society, as is, is driven by money and greed. People want the fastest cars, the biggest TVs, to sleep with the most attractive people. Society is shallow and faceless. Millions of clones walking around, all the same. It's the unique people who spark up the night, who choose to live with different goals in mind. When your head isn't crowded with greed and lust, it's amazing the things you can see.

These three people that I interviewed are all some close friends of mine. Did you try to guess who was asexual out of those three? I'll reveal it now.

They're all asexual.

Don't seem too different than the average person, huh? I don't think so either. Even though we have different goals in mind, different priorities, doesn't mean we're a different species. Asexuality is only a label, a way to help somebody on the road to self-discovery. It's not a separator. We're just like you.

Buhbye for now,
-Jay

Asexuality Defined

Alright. So, I realized something worthy of a facepalm this morning, after an almost full-night's sleep.

I forgot to explain what exactly asexuality is. (Remember when I said I could be downright stupid in my introductory post?)

Anyway. I've come to correct that, and I'm going to define it in the most thorough, easiest to understand way as possible. Don't be surprised if I get a bit carried away.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation, just like homosexuality, heterosexuality or bisexuality. An asexual person is defined as a person who doesn't experience sexual attraction, or does but does not wish to act on it.

Let's say I don't like cheesecake. I just don't like cheesecake, and that's that. I may want cheesecake sometimes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to eat it because I know I won't like it. And if somebody offered me a plate of cheesecake, I'm going to say no. Because I just don't like cheesecake and that's that. No. I will not, and I mean never ever ever ever meet the right cheesecake that will turn me into somebody who loves cheesecake. And if somebody sets the best plate of cheesecake in the world on my lap and I try it, am I going to like it?

Probably not.

The same thing could be said about an asexual person. They won't be interested in sex even if they meet somebody who's "the best in bed" for them. They won't meet the right sex partner, because they're just asexual and that's that. If an asexual person engages in the best sex in the world, will they like it? Well, in all honesty, they might. But that doesn't mean they'll be attracted to people for the purpose of having sex with them in the future.

Now, just because we're not interested in sex, doesn't mean we're not capable of love.

There is both romantic and sexual orientations, and one can differ from the other. Somebody could be an aromantic asexual (not interested in romance or sex), or maybe a heteroromantic asexual (interested in people of the opposite gender, but not for sex), or even, like myself, a panromantic asexual (can be interested in all genders, but not sex with them).

There are two types of asexuals: Indifferent and repulsed. An indifferent asexual doesn't really care about sex, or even finds it fascinating or engages in it for pleasure, but never for the emotional aspect. A repulsed asexual is just that, repulsed by all things sexual, and even sometimes the thought of sex.

Some asexuals have what is called a libido. A libido is sexual desire, a metaphor I once saw and liked was on www.asexuality.org. It described how a libido was like an itch. You could want help scratching the itch from somebody of the opposite gender (heterosexual), or somebody from the same gender (homosexual), or somebody from either gender (bisexual), and there are many more people that anybody could want their "itch" scratched by. If somebody is asexual with a libido, they could just scratch their itch themselves (you know what I'm talking about).

Basically, in the most blunt terms possible; Whether you masturbate is not a contributing factor to whether you're asexual or not.

Thanks for reading, and adios for now.
-Jay

How to go about the admittedly horrifying process of "Coming Out"

Everybody among the lgbt community, including asexuals, have to face coming out of the dreaded "closet". Not many people are big fans of doing so, however.

Let's face it; coming out is hard. It's exciting, terrifying, dreaded and anything but easy. Most people, while planning their coming out, however they may be doing it, dwell solely on the outcome.
"What will they say? Will they think I'm lying? Will they say it's just a phase? What if they're right? Can I go back into the closet if I change my mind?"

The thing about coming out as asexual that makes it especially hard, is that not many people know what it means if somebody is asexual. You have to explain yourself, instead of just a simple statement of "Mom, I'm gay."
Aces around the world are finding ways to explain themselves. My preferred coming out conversation goes as followed:
"Hey, I have something to tell you. It's really important to me, and I need you to understand before you think I'm lying."
"What is it?"
"Well, you know how there's a few different sexual orientations, like hetero-, homo- and bi-sexual? There's actually another one, which describes me perfectly. It's called asexuality, which is basically when a person isn't physically attracted to anybody at all. I can still be emotionally attracted to people, though, which is what makes me pan-romantic. Pan-romantic means I can love anybody, no matter their gender identity or lack thereof."

I know, quite the speech, but that's what it takes to get the point across. Every ace, or other person who isn't straight, for that matter, has their own way of coming out. For some it's simply saying "I'm asexual" and leaving the person to research it themselves, and others, writing a whole speech like I did.

Things to take away from this little lesson; coming out is not easy, everybody has different ways of doing so, and the methodds of coming out vary. The closet can be a scary place, so your best bet is to escape.

Best of luck with your journey.
-Jay

Introducing Jay

Hi, my name is Jay. I'm 19 years old, I eat (sometimes), sleep (if I get tired enough), and bathe (usually). I'm just your everyday, garden variety, run-of-the-mill 19 year old.

Well, except for a few things.

I'm asexual. An asexual person is defined as somebody who doesn't, probably never has, and most likely never will, experience sexual attraction.

I know, I know. Amoebas are asexual. Potatoes are asexual. Heck, even earth worms are asexual.

To answer a few questions: I don't mate with myself, I can't split into two identical Jays, and no, I have not and never will meet the right guy. Thank you for your concern, but I am not faking it. This is just who I am, and I've learned to accept myself. I'm here to bring awareness and visibility of the asexual community to the general population. I understand that I'm probably not going to get far with my little blog, but hey, it's worth a try.

Through my blog, you will learn that I can be sentimental, depressing, witty, sarcastic, clever, funny, pissed off and sometimes downright stupid. My mind is almost always working, therefore I get very little sleep, so don't be surprised if you see many typos only a drunkard wouldn't catch.
Speaking of that. I don't drink or do drugs, I don't like to have my mind altered in any way. I rant /alot/, as in muchos rant-os. If somebody gets on my nerves, they hear about it. If somebody gets on my nerves and I'm talking to somebody else too, the other person will hear about it. My rants are usually semi-long, and some of them I get worked up about, so worked up to the point of a red face and squeaky voice.
More on that later.

Thanks for reading, and make sure to recommend my blog to anybody who may be curious about this rare sexuality.
Orevwa for now,
-Jay